It's Wednesday...I think. I'm so tired I almost can't think straight. It's not the kind of tired where you've worked so hard that you need a nap. It's the kind of tired that you get when you have a million different thoughts swirling through your mind all at once and you know that there is no way on earth you can get everything done that needs to be done. Maybe you don't know how that feels. I could write a book on it!!!

Kaitlyn woke up at 6:00 a.m. this morning and yelled for me. She said that she wanted to come get in bed with me. I love it when she does that so I got her out of bed and took her to bed with me. I was so excited to be up early. I just knew that I was going to make it to work on time. I turned the TV on to watch a little bit of the news before I hopped in the shower. The next thing I knew it was 7:00 a.m. and the Today Show was on. Oops. So much for being on time.

Kaitlyn slept until 8:00 a.m. which was wonderful. She was SUPER cranky last night and I was glad that she got some extra sleepy time.

Tonight I've got to run to the store to get a Secret Santa gift and then run back home to pack more boxes. I'll also need to feed the child somewhere along the way. I need four more hours in the day and six more hands!!!

I really thought that my Christmas tree was the ugliest Christmas tree ever, but it's not. I went to Big Lots Wednesday night looking for cheap decorations. Kaitlyn loves Christmas stuff so I promised her that she could pick out one decoration for herself. She almost immediately spotted a hot pink, tinsel, fiber optic Christmas tree. Of course that's what she wanted! Anybody could have a jingle bell or an ornament, but it takes a special kind of person to pull off a hot pink Christmas tree. She carried this thing all around the store, to the checkout counter, out to the car and held it in her little hands the entire way home. It now sits in it's place of honor on her Winnie the Pooh table and she eats her morning cereal by the twinkling of her Christmas tree.



On an unrelated note, I nearly drowned the poor child last night. I put her in the bathtub and continued to do a million other things; talk to Grandma on the phone, get clothes out of the washer, hang clothes on the drying rack, etc. As I was hanging a sweater on the rack I heard Kaitlyn call for me. I told her that I would be there in a second. She yelled again, "Mom I've got a problem!". I told her that I was on my way and continued hanging the sweater. She called again, "Mom, I need your help!". Realizing that the problem was not going away, I walked down the hall to the bathroom. There sat Kaitlyn, up to her armpits in water. She very calmly looked at me and said, "Mom, I need you to turn the water off".



I have no idea how she still had her wits about her! I immediately launched into bad mom mode. What kind of mother am I? How could I have let the water run so long? What if she had drowned? Was I placing laundry above the needs of my child? Was someone from Social Services on the way to lock me up?



I turned off the water and Kaitlyn had a grand time in her small swimming pool. I still can't believe I did that. Please don't tell the social worker!!! I promise I won't do it again!!!!

Kaitlyn and I put up the Christas tree tonight. I expect that we'll put up a bigger tree in the new house, but I thought it would be fun to have this one to look at for the time being. This 18 inch fiber optic tree is one of the ugliest Christmas trees I've ever seen. One side is hopelessly smashed and the top is crooked. It only has room to hold, literally, a handful of ornaments. While I was getting the tree ready, Kaitlyn stood backed and smiled. She kept saying over and over "It's so pretty momma"! She was thrilled at the lights and so proud to have a tree.

I had been inwardly laughing at this pathetic little display because it didn't match my ideal. What Kaitlyn's amazement showed me was that it isn't the size of the tree, the number of lights or the cost of the ornaments. Christmas is all about the spirit that each of us holds inside us. It's the longing to have loved ones close to us and to make new, special memories. Christmas isn't about the number of presents or the dollars that they cost. Christmas is about love. In celebrating God's gift of love for us we, in turn, give gifts to others. A season that originated in love continues to have love as the central theme.

I'm so thankful that we got to share this moment. Kaitlyn's childish amazement reminded me not to get caught up in the hype, but to appreciate each moment as it comes. I love the holidays and I can't wait to share them with my family and friends!!!!!

Happy Friday!!! I just read the sweetest article located at http://www.chinadaily.com.cn/china/2007-11/07/content_6237644.htm. It talks about the father of an adopted Chinese daughter who miraculously located the man who "found" his daughter after her abandonment. The odds of this happening must be astronomical, but what an amazing story he'll be able to tell his little girl when she gets older!!!

Last night The Ladybug and I went to see Annie with Lori and Amber. It was a local children's production. The cast weren't professionals, the sets were sparse and the singing was a bit of key at times. With that said, it was a beautiful play. It was REALLY cool to see local kids giving their all to the performances. Annie was played by an adorable little girl with a sweet voice and Sandy, played by a lovable yellow lab, darn near stole the show. The play wasn't what I expected, but it was so much more. It gave me cold chills to see all the parents and loved one's cheering on their little one's at the end of scenes and especially at play's end. The entire cast received a rousing ovation and there were flowers in abundance waiting to be showered on the young thespians. Ok, so I'm not a theater critic, but it truly was a wonderful experience and I'm glad I was there. I think it's so cool to see kids involved in something that they enjoy doing and it's cooler still to see their families cheering them on.

This post would be remiss if I omitted the parking structure drama immediately preceding the play. On the way from Olive Garden to campus I began to feel really sick. By the time I parked the car and got out I felt sure that I would throw up. I managed to get Amber's attention so that she could get Kaitlyn out of the car and then I found a nearby parking space and made it mine for the next five minutes. What a HORRIBLE thing!!!! The girls took Kaitlyn inside and I hung out in the car for a few minutes. I eventually felt well enough to walk across the street. I went into the theater and felt fine for the rest of the evening. I've decided that it was a mild case of food poisoning which is why I won't be eating the leftover manicotti for lunch today. On a related note, no one parked within five spaces of my car. Ha ha! I guess I now know how to keep my car from getting scratched up in parking lots!

This past weekend seemed like it was twelve days long. It was AMAZING, but it was also a little bit tiring. Right now Kaitlyn and I are sitting in bed watching the new Dora movie. I'm so happy to not have anything else to do!

First things first. We have a house! We'll, we almost have a house. The financing has been approved, the offer has been accepted and now it's just a matter of processing the paperwork. Tim and I are thrilled and scared all at the same time. The house is in a new subdivision in Swanton, right across from the high school. I truly never thought I would be excited to live in the city, but I love the location. We're hoping to close on December 3rd, so the next eight weeks are going to be BUSY!

We ran around all weekend, making the final house visits, making the offer and eventually countering. I had to run to Wal-Mart on Saturday to pick up a few things and get my nails done. While we were there I had to run to the restroom real quick. While I was in there, without Kaitlyn, I suddenly became aware of one of the biggest changes that motherhood has brought to my life. The inability to take care of my business in privacy. I've grown accustomed to her highness tagging along to every mommy potty break regardless of whether we're at home or in a store. She's especially fond of doing the play-by-play. This isn't such a bad thing when we're home, but when we're in the Applebee's restroom it's a different story. "Mommy, you're dry", "Mommy go poop?" and "Momma, I wipe your butt for you. I want to help!" are just a few of the embarrassing comments she's made in public restrooms. I know that the moms in the other stalls understand and breathe a sigh of relief that it's not them (for once), but it doesn't help me feel any less embarrassed. So....to make a long story short, I got to go to the restroom by myself in a public place and it felt absolutely wonderful. It's strange how I'm now able to find divine pleasure in the most simple of things!!!

A letter to my Lady Bug,

My little Lady Bug, it's been so long since I've written to you. We've experienced so many wonderful, amazing changes in our lives. You, my darling, continue to be the light of my life. I wake up every day and feel as though I've pulled the wool over the eyes of the cosmos. How did God see fit to give me the privilege of being your momma? Me! Of all people! I'm deeply flawed, scatter-brained, high-strung, needy and I constantly try to strike a delicate balance between saint and sinner. And yet, God allowed me to take on the awesome responsibility of being your momma.

Each morning I walk into your room, you flash that beautiful smile and my heart skips a beat, reminding me that you have that most important of organs wrapped firmly around your little finger. Don't get me wrong, it's not all rainbows and butterflies. Some mornings are really difficult. We struggle, each of us desperately attempting to influence the other with a show of power. You refuse to use the potty, you lay in the bathroom floor and whine for what seems like an eternity. You refuse the tennis shoes and insist up on the "nana" shoes. You demand chocolate milk after I finish pouring the white milk. Sometimes I win, sometimes you win. Sometimes I walk into my office and desperately wish for a nap because the skirmish with you took entirely too much energy.

It's all worth it Lady Bug. I wouldn't trade these struggles for anything. Every day you grow up a little more. You get closer to singing Jesus Love Me all by yourself. You realize you can count to 15 instead of 13. You can put your clothes on by yourself. You love taking showers and washing your own hair. You speak in full sentences that leave me awestruck at your depths of comprehension. You are obsessed with the sun and the moon and which one is awake or asleep at a given moment. You love ice cream. Occasionally too, you love to snuggle. You climb into my lap and lay your head in my arms and I rock you and tell you stories about China and Nana and Papaw's house and Ellie. We talk about finding a new house where you can have a room decorated just for you.

I wish I could sum everything up into a few sentences, but it's just not possible. You are the most amazing child I have ever known and my heart thrills at the idea of watching you grow through the years. The possibilities for you are limitless and I will encourage you to reach out and grab whichever star you want. I'll even let you stand on my shoulders if you have trouble reaching it.

My Lady Bug, you truly are my sunshine.

Momma

Love is such a funny thing. It blinds us to things that we would normally see. I was at the park on Monday evening; Kaitlyn's favorite park. She was playing on the structure and having a ball. She would go down the corkscrew slide, run to the other side and go down the red tube slide. The run to the other side always involved a "Hi Mom!" with a smile from Kaitlyn. Each time she ran by I smiled. After about the second time I realized that I was beaming, probably like a lunatic. For a moment it seemed ridiculous to me that two simple words and a smile from a two year old could produce such a reaction. Then it occurred to me that this is a feeling that every mom feels. Wow. It's good to be a mom!

Before Kaitlyn, I never fully grasped the changes that motherhood would bring to my life. I could have never understood why I would be sitting on a park bench beaming. Even now I don't completely understand the inner-working of a mother's love. I don't fathom how I have the ability to go from all out frustration at the fact that I'm putting the pull-ups back on for the third time since I laid her down for bed to complete amazement at the groggy little one smiling at me. She can make my heart melt even when she's not awake!

As I'm sitting on the park bench basking in maternal warm-fuzzies I realize something. All the little ones on the play structure are with someone who "looks" like them. One thing I love about our location is that we live in an area populated by every race, ethnic make-up and color that you could think of. When you go to the park, you hear several different languages being spoken by children and their parents. I love that Kaitlyn has this multicultural exposure at such a young age. The striking thing to me is that despite the colors and the languages you could easily match the children to the parents. The blond-haired blue-eyed brother and sister belonged to a similarly featured mom who spoke with a thick German accent. The dark haired girls belonged to a dark haired mother and father. Grandpa joined the group and I found out later that he was originally from Croatia.

The exception in this matching game was the little Chinese girl and her rather Amazonian looking American mom. Unless someone had seen us getting out of the same car, they would not have "matched" us. We don't look like an obvious pair. The reason I thought of this was that I saw one of the mom's look at me and smile during one of Kaitlyn's fly-by's. She gave me that "knowing" look. I returned her smile and immediately began wondering what it was all about. After a few seconds I realized it was that she had probably pieced together our story; the obvious reason that Kaitlyn and I don't match.

This is why I began the blog the way I did. Until the mom smiled at me, I didn't think about Kaitlyn and me being different. She's my little girl. I'm her momma and, bless her heart, she's taken on quite a few of my traits. When I look at Kaitlyn, I don't see a Chinese orphan. I see my daughter. I see a little girl who could not be more like me, even if she did share my genetic makeup. I see a spitfire determined to conquer the climbing wall and overcome her uneasiness around large groups of kids. When I look at her, I see everything that every other parent at that park sees when they look at their children. I see myself. I see my hopes for the future. I see photo albums of vacations and school field trips. I see the potential of a life of dreams waiting to be fulfilled. I see heartaches. I see bloody noses (quite a few of those I'm afraid). I see friendships gained and lost. I see hope. I see the promise of life.

What I don't see are our obvious differences. Love is funny. It can blind us in the most remarkable ways.