Kaitlyn and I took another shot at the bike sans training wheels tonight. It was not her night. She's still too unstable to go on her own. As I encouraged her, I was reminded of a Chinese proverb. I've heard several variations and I don't know which one is correct. "Fall down seven times, get up eight" is the one I'll go with. Kaitlyn was so afraid that she would fall. I told her that falling is not the point. She WILL fall eventually and it WILL hurt. The important thing is that she always gets back up. Could anything be more true? Mistakes are a given. Learning from them is what builds character and makes us stronger.

After a few attempts, we ditched the bike and laid on our backs in the grass watching for planes. She insisted on laying on top of me and I made a big deal about how heavy she was and how I was in pain. The truth is, it was a beautiful thing and I wanted to stay there for days. Years from now, she'll be too cool to sit in the grass and have a staring contest with me. The days of learning to ride a bike will be replaced by nervous evenings waiting for her to return with the car. Until then, we've got cool grass on a warm summer evening. We've got goofy faces and melty popsicles. We've got each other and tons of laughter and we are oh so happy.

I suppose I fell off the face of the earth (again). I hate it when that happens, but what are ya gonna do? I was discussing this blog with a dear friend earlier in the week who encouraged me to pick it back up. Sometimes it feels much too painful to recount the past. Sometimes I feel like I might burst if I don't write about it. This is a blog about Kaitlyn and I won't sully it with posts about pain and crappy stuff happening. It's in the past.

What is MOST important to me is that my baby girl is inexplicably five years old now. She's happy, healthy, ornery and amazing. I celebrate this fact every single day. She continues to be my sunshine.

Maybe I will pick this blogging thing back up. Maybe the everyday miracles are too good NOT to celebrate.

The birthday week is over and I'm a little bit sad. Since Christmas this is what had occupied the space in the back of my head. It's the space where upcoming events live. Things that I obsess over when I'm tired or finished obsessing over the urgent things that live in the front of my mind (when is my next snack, what are we having for supper, how long can I wait until I do laundry again.)

Kaitlyn's last two birthdays had been "strange" at best and I was determined that this one would make up for the others. It was so amazing and wonderful and all the things that I hoped it would be that I almost couldn't believe it was real.

Yes, she got more toys (like she needed them). Yes, she got gum (thanks Lala and Shelby). Yes, she got clothes (what could a few more clothes hurt, right?). Those things were all wonderful and I appreciate each and every one of them.

What was more important to me is that she got a house full of family members who came to share her special day and shower her with love. After she opened presents she went around the room and hugged everyone. It made my heart melt as she crawled into the laps of these amazing people who love her.

As I looked around the room I couldn't help but remember the New Testament passage about the birth of Christ. It says that "Mary kept all of these things and pondered them in her heart". I think of that passage often as I watch my ladybug grow up. There are times, like the birthday party, that I sit quietly and watch Kaitlyn as she interacts with the world and the people around her and I try to memorize the moments. I ponder them in my heart often and they always bring a smile to my face.

Kaitlyn is three now. Wow. Where does the time go?

It's Wednesday...I think. I'm so tired I almost can't think straight. It's not the kind of tired where you've worked so hard that you need a nap. It's the kind of tired that you get when you have a million different thoughts swirling through your mind all at once and you know that there is no way on earth you can get everything done that needs to be done. Maybe you don't know how that feels. I could write a book on it!!!

Kaitlyn woke up at 6:00 a.m. this morning and yelled for me. She said that she wanted to come get in bed with me. I love it when she does that so I got her out of bed and took her to bed with me. I was so excited to be up early. I just knew that I was going to make it to work on time. I turned the TV on to watch a little bit of the news before I hopped in the shower. The next thing I knew it was 7:00 a.m. and the Today Show was on. Oops. So much for being on time.

Kaitlyn slept until 8:00 a.m. which was wonderful. She was SUPER cranky last night and I was glad that she got some extra sleepy time.

Tonight I've got to run to the store to get a Secret Santa gift and then run back home to pack more boxes. I'll also need to feed the child somewhere along the way. I need four more hours in the day and six more hands!!!

I really thought that my Christmas tree was the ugliest Christmas tree ever, but it's not. I went to Big Lots Wednesday night looking for cheap decorations. Kaitlyn loves Christmas stuff so I promised her that she could pick out one decoration for herself. She almost immediately spotted a hot pink, tinsel, fiber optic Christmas tree. Of course that's what she wanted! Anybody could have a jingle bell or an ornament, but it takes a special kind of person to pull off a hot pink Christmas tree. She carried this thing all around the store, to the checkout counter, out to the car and held it in her little hands the entire way home. It now sits in it's place of honor on her Winnie the Pooh table and she eats her morning cereal by the twinkling of her Christmas tree.



On an unrelated note, I nearly drowned the poor child last night. I put her in the bathtub and continued to do a million other things; talk to Grandma on the phone, get clothes out of the washer, hang clothes on the drying rack, etc. As I was hanging a sweater on the rack I heard Kaitlyn call for me. I told her that I would be there in a second. She yelled again, "Mom I've got a problem!". I told her that I was on my way and continued hanging the sweater. She called again, "Mom, I need your help!". Realizing that the problem was not going away, I walked down the hall to the bathroom. There sat Kaitlyn, up to her armpits in water. She very calmly looked at me and said, "Mom, I need you to turn the water off".



I have no idea how she still had her wits about her! I immediately launched into bad mom mode. What kind of mother am I? How could I have let the water run so long? What if she had drowned? Was I placing laundry above the needs of my child? Was someone from Social Services on the way to lock me up?



I turned off the water and Kaitlyn had a grand time in her small swimming pool. I still can't believe I did that. Please don't tell the social worker!!! I promise I won't do it again!!!!

Kaitlyn and I put up the Christas tree tonight. I expect that we'll put up a bigger tree in the new house, but I thought it would be fun to have this one to look at for the time being. This 18 inch fiber optic tree is one of the ugliest Christmas trees I've ever seen. One side is hopelessly smashed and the top is crooked. It only has room to hold, literally, a handful of ornaments. While I was getting the tree ready, Kaitlyn stood backed and smiled. She kept saying over and over "It's so pretty momma"! She was thrilled at the lights and so proud to have a tree.

I had been inwardly laughing at this pathetic little display because it didn't match my ideal. What Kaitlyn's amazement showed me was that it isn't the size of the tree, the number of lights or the cost of the ornaments. Christmas is all about the spirit that each of us holds inside us. It's the longing to have loved ones close to us and to make new, special memories. Christmas isn't about the number of presents or the dollars that they cost. Christmas is about love. In celebrating God's gift of love for us we, in turn, give gifts to others. A season that originated in love continues to have love as the central theme.

I'm so thankful that we got to share this moment. Kaitlyn's childish amazement reminded me not to get caught up in the hype, but to appreciate each moment as it comes. I love the holidays and I can't wait to share them with my family and friends!!!!!

Happy Friday!!! I just read the sweetest article located at http://www.chinadaily.com.cn/china/2007-11/07/content_6237644.htm. It talks about the father of an adopted Chinese daughter who miraculously located the man who "found" his daughter after her abandonment. The odds of this happening must be astronomical, but what an amazing story he'll be able to tell his little girl when she gets older!!!

Last night The Ladybug and I went to see Annie with Lori and Amber. It was a local children's production. The cast weren't professionals, the sets were sparse and the singing was a bit of key at times. With that said, it was a beautiful play. It was REALLY cool to see local kids giving their all to the performances. Annie was played by an adorable little girl with a sweet voice and Sandy, played by a lovable yellow lab, darn near stole the show. The play wasn't what I expected, but it was so much more. It gave me cold chills to see all the parents and loved one's cheering on their little one's at the end of scenes and especially at play's end. The entire cast received a rousing ovation and there were flowers in abundance waiting to be showered on the young thespians. Ok, so I'm not a theater critic, but it truly was a wonderful experience and I'm glad I was there. I think it's so cool to see kids involved in something that they enjoy doing and it's cooler still to see their families cheering them on.

This post would be remiss if I omitted the parking structure drama immediately preceding the play. On the way from Olive Garden to campus I began to feel really sick. By the time I parked the car and got out I felt sure that I would throw up. I managed to get Amber's attention so that she could get Kaitlyn out of the car and then I found a nearby parking space and made it mine for the next five minutes. What a HORRIBLE thing!!!! The girls took Kaitlyn inside and I hung out in the car for a few minutes. I eventually felt well enough to walk across the street. I went into the theater and felt fine for the rest of the evening. I've decided that it was a mild case of food poisoning which is why I won't be eating the leftover manicotti for lunch today. On a related note, no one parked within five spaces of my car. Ha ha! I guess I now know how to keep my car from getting scratched up in parking lots!